Reference: Mukhtaṣar Minhāj al-Qāṣidīn
You should know that a child is a trust upon his parents, his heart like an innocent gem that is open to any inscription upon it. So, if the child is accustomed to righteousness, he will develop and grow in it, and his parents and guardians will share with him the reward of living a pious and righteous life.
Similarly, if the child is accustomed to evil, he will grow up accustomed to it, therefore the sin will be upon the guardians. The guardian of any child should safeguard, discipline and cultivate him; teaching him noble manners and protecting him from evil company.
The child’s guardian should not accustom him to luxury and he should ensure the child does not become attached to the ways and means of beautification and affluence, otherwise, the child will grow up wasting his life trying to seek this.
Rather, it is befitting that the guardian supervises the child from a young age; The woman who breastfeeds and looks after the child (the mother or otherwise) should be a righteous and pious woman who only consumes ḥalāl – for indeed the milk that the woman produces after eating ḥarām has no barakah (blessings) in it.
Thereafter, the child will begin to think and distinguish; the first sign of this is a sense of shyness. This shyness is an excellent indicator that the child’s mind and intellect are beginning to develop, and he is approaching the age of puberty. So the child is to be helped, disciplined and taught correct manners – through this shyness of his.
Then, when the first signs of him appetising for food become prevalent, he should be taught the manners of eating, and sometimes he is to be only given bread to eat [1] so he does not become attached to that which is eaten with it (the dish or condiment), considering it to be a necessity. Over-eating should also be made undesirable to him, and he is to be taught that over-eating resembles the eating of animals.
The child is made to prefer clean, white clothes as opposed to dirty clothes or silk clothing – while also being taught that silk clothing is only worn by women and effeminate men. The child should also be prevented from mixing with other children who have become accustomed to luxury.
Thereafter, the child is occupied with school. He learns the Qur’ān, aḥādīth and is taught examples of the righteous, so that the love of the righteous becomes engrained in his heart. Furthermore, he should be made to avoid the listening and memorising of poetry containing mention of love and romance. [2]
Whenever the child shows a beautiful characteristic or a good action, he should be appreciated and rewarded with something that he likes and is to be praised in the presence of other people.
However, if he opposes this [by doing a bad action], it can at times be overlooked and not exposed. If he then persists in this action, he is to be warned in secret and is made to be afraid that other people may find out. However, the child should not be disciplined and warned too often, as this type of treatment will make him accustomed to being censured and rebuked – rather the guardian should restrain himself from using threatening speech with the child.
It is also befitting that the mother disciplines the child using the father (i.e. by using the natural standing, authority and fear of the father).
The child should be prevented from sleeping during the day as it results in laziness and he should not be prevented from sleeping during the night. He should not be given a soft mattress – being prevented from it so that his bones and skeleton become strong. It is befitting that he becomes accustomed to coarseness in his food, clothing and sleep.
He should also be made accustomed to walking, activity and exercise so he is not overcome with laziness.
The child is taught to not boast in front of his friends and peers about something that his parents own or to boast regarding his food and clothes. Rather, he is to be nurtured upon modesty, humbleness and being kind to whoever he has a relationship with.
He should be prevented from taking something from another child like him. He should be taught that inferiority is in taking, and that superiority and dignity is in giving, and he should be nurtured to dislike gold and silver.
He should be forbidden from spitting in gatherings, blowing his nose, yawning in front of others, and from sitting with his legs pointed, one on top of the other.
He should also be accustomed to speaking little and should not speak except when answering a question or fulfilling a request. He should also master the skill of listening well, when others are speaking especially if the one speaking is older than him. He is to be taught to stand for the one who has authority over him and to sit close to, next to, or in front of such a person.
He is to be prevented from lewd speech and that he keeps company with those who use such speech – for indeed the foundation of protecting a child lies in keeping him away from bad friends.
It is also from good practice that when the child finishes his studies [for the day], that he is allowed to play in a good way, so that he is able to relax from the difficulty and strictness of learning and discipline.
It is has been said, “Relax the heart and mind; strengthen the memorisation and intellect.”
The child should be cultivated upon obedience towards his parents and towards the one who educates him, and he should respect such people.
Thereafter, when he reaches the age of seven years, he is to be ordered with ṣalāh, and he is not to be excused from not being in a state of purity (i.e. always being in wudū) so that he becomes used to it. He should also be reprimanded from lying and deceit, and then when he approaches puberty he should be taught [the various rulings of Islām] and be made responsible for them.
You should know that food is a type of medicine and the objective behind eating is to strengthen the body in order to show obedience of Allāh, the most-high, through worship. This dunya (worldly life) will not remain forever and death cuts off the pleasures of this world. Death awaits each person and may arrive any hour. The intelligent one, therefore, is the one who prepares for the the Hereafter.
Hence, if the upbringing of the child is righteous, goodness will become firm in his heart – similar to how an engraving is very firm on a stone.
Sahl Ibn ‘Abdullah once said, “I was a child of three years, and I would stay awake at night looking at my uncle, Muḥammed bin Sawwār, praying. So he said to me one day,
“why don’t you remember Allāh, the one who created you?”
So I asked,
“and how do I remember him?”
He replied,
“Say, three times in your heart without moving your tongue: Allāh is with me, Allāh is watching over me, Allāh is a witness over me.”
I then said this a number of nights until I became accustomed to this. He then said to me,
“Say it eleven times every night.”
So I said it, and I felt the sweetness of this statement in my heart.
A year on from this, my uncle said to me
“Memorise and safeguard what I have taught you, and act according to it up until you enter your grave”
So I continued acting upon these words for years and I would find the sweetness of it in my privacy.
He then said,
“O Sahl, whomsoever Allāh is with, and he watches him and is a witness over him – do you think such a person should disobey Allāh? Beware of disobeying Allah.”
After this, I advanced to school and memorised the Qur’ān when I was only six or seven years old. I would then fast all the time, my daily sustenance was bread made from barley and thereafter I would wake during the night in order to pray.
Footnotes
[1] I (Abul Abbaas) asked Shaykh ‘AbdulRazzaq al-‘Abbad, may Allah preserve him, regarding this statement, and other passages in this article that are similar to it, he said that there is no clear evidence from the Qur’ān or Sunnah to say we should do this, however, a person considers the state of the child and that which will benefit him. So if one was to see from a child an excessive likening to food then sometimes he can take this action.
Similar to this is the statement of the author “It is befitting that he is accustomed to coarseness in his food, clothing and sleep,” one can do this sometimes to teach the child that blessings such as food and clothing do not last forever, and that it is not befitting for a Muslim to concern himself too much with this.
As for the aḥādīth stating that Allāh loves for blessings to be seen on a person, then this is without the heart becoming attached to these worldly blessings but rather from the viewpoint of showing gratitude to Allāh, and that the Muslim should remain clean and beautiful as Allāh loves cleanliness and beauty.
[2] Similar to this – or indeed more destructive – is the existence of music and films containing such content, which have unfortunately become widespread in Muslim homes.
فصل في رياضة الصبيان في أول النشوء
المرجع: مختصر منهاج القاصدين
اعلم أن الصبي أمانة عند والديه، وقلبه جوهرة ساذجة، وهى قابلة لكل نقش، فإن عود الخير نشأ عليه وشاركه أبواه ومؤدبه في ثوابه،وإن عود الشر نشأ عليه، وكان الوزر في عنق وليه، فينبغي أن يصونه ويؤدبه ويهذبه، ويعلمه محاسن الأخلاق، ويحفظه من قرناء السوء، ولا يعوده التنعم، ولا يحبب إليه أسباب الرفاهية فيضيع عمره في طلبها إذا كبر. بل ينبغي أن يراقبه من أول عمره، فلا يستعمل في رضاعة وحضانته إلا امرأة صالحة متدينة تأكل الحلال، فإن اللبن الحاصل من الحرام لا بركة فيه.
فإذا بدت فيه مخايل التمييز وأولها الحياء، وذلك علامة النجابة وهى مبشرة بكمال العقل عند البلوغ، فهذا يستعان على تأديبه بحيائه. وأول ما يغلب عليه من الصفات شره الطعام، فينبغي أن يعلم آداب الأكل، ويعوده أكل الخبز وحده في بعض الأوقات لئلا يألف الإدام فيراه كالحتم، ويقبح عنده كثرة الأكل، بأن يشبه الكثير الأكل بالبهائم.
ويحبب إليه الثياب البيض دون الملونة والإبريسم ويقرر عنده أن ذلك من شأن النساء والمخنثين، ويمنعه من مخالطة الصبيان الذين عودوا التنعم، ثم يشغله في المكتب بتعليم القرآن والحديث وأحاديث الأخبار، ليغرس في قلبه حب الصالحين، ولا يحفظ من الأشعار التي فيها ذكر العشق.
ومتى ظهر من الصبي خلق جميل وفعل محمول، فينبغي أن يكرم عليه، ويجازى بما يفرح به، ويمدح بين أظهر الناس، فإن خالف ذلك في بعض الأحوال تغوفل عنه ولا يكاشف، فإن عاد عوتب سراً وخوف من اطلاع الناس عليه، ولا يكثر عليه العتاب، لأن ذلك يهون عليه سماع الملامة، وليكن حافظاً هيبة الكلام معه.
وينبغى للأم أن تخوفه بالأب.
وينبغى أن يمنع النوم نهاراً، فإنه يورث الكسل، ولا يمنع النوم ليلاً ولكنه يمنع الفرش الوطيئة لتتصلب أعضاؤه. ويتعود الخشونة في المفرش والملبس والمطعم . ويعود المشي والحركة والرياضة لئلا يغلب عليه الكسل.
ويتعود الخشونة في المفرش والملبس والمطعم، ويعود المشي والحركة والرياضة لئلا يغلب عليه الكسل، ويمنع أن يفتخر على أقرانه بشيء مما يملكه أبواه، أو بمطعمه أو ملبسه، ويعود التواضع والإكرام لمن يعاشره.
ويمنع أن يأخذ شيئا من صبى مثله، ويعلم أن الأخذ دناءة، وأن الرفعة في الإعطاء. ويقبح عنده حب الذهب والفضة. ويعود أن لا يبصق في مجلسه ولا يتمخط ، ولا يتثاءب بحضرة غيره،ولا يضع رجلا على رجل، ويمنع من كثرة الكلام.
ويعود أن لا يتكلم إلا جواباً، وأن يحسن الاستماع إذا تكلم غيره ممن هو أكبر منه، وأن يقوم لمن هو فوقه ويجلس بين يديه.
ويمنع من فحش الكلام، ومن مخالطة من يفعل ذلك، فإن أصل حفظ الصبيان حفظهم من قرناء السوء.
ويحسن أن يفسح له بعد خروجه من المكتب في لعب جميل، ليستريح به من تعب التأديب، كما قيل: روح القلوب تع الذكر.
وينبغى أن يعلم طاعة والديه ومعلمه وتعظيمهم.
وإذا بلغ سبع سنين أمر بالصلاة، ولم يسامح في ترك الطهارة ليتعود، ويخوف من الكذب والخيانة، وإذا قارب البلوغ، ألقيت إليه الأمور.
واعلم أن الأطعمة أدوية، والمقصود منها تقوية البدن على طاعة الله تعالى، وأن الدنيا لا بقاء لها، وأن الموت يقطع نعيمها، وهو منتظر في كل ساعة، وأن العاقل من تزود لآخرته، فإن كان نشوؤه صالحاً ثبت هذا في قلبه، كما يثبت النقش في الحجر.
قال سهل بن عبد الله: “كنت ابن ثلاث سنين، وأنا أقوم بالليل أنظر إلى صلاة خالي محمد بن سوار.
فقال لى خالي يوماً: “ألا تذكر الله الذي خلقك؟” قلت: “كيف أذكره؟” قال: “قل بقلبك ثلاث مرات من غير أن تحرك لسانك: الله معي، الله ناظر إلى، الله شاهدي”.
فقلت ذلك ليالي، ثم أعلمته، فقال: “قلها في كل ليلة إحدى عشر مرة” فقلت ذلك، فوقع في قلبي حلاوته.
فلما كان بعد سنة، قال لى خالي: “احفظ ما علمتك، ودم عليه إلى أن تدخل القبر، فلم أزل على ذلك سنين فوجدت له حلاوة في سري.
ثم قال لي خالي: “يا سهل من كان الله معه، وهو ناظر إليه، وشاهد عليه، هل يعصيه؟ إياك والمعصية”.
ومضيت إلى المكتب، وحفظت القرآن، وأنا ابن ست سنين أو سبع، ثم كنت أصوم الدهر، وقوتي من خبز الشعير، ثم بعد لك كنت أقوم الليل كله”.
