Reference: Mukhtaṣar Minhāj al-Qāṣidīn
You should know that a child is a trust upon his parents, his heart like an innocent gem that is open to any inscription upon it. So, if the child is accustomed to righteousness, he will develop and grow in it, and his parents and guardians will share with him the reward of living a pious and righteous life.
Similarly, if the child is accustomed to evil, he will grow up accustomed to it, therefore the sin will be upon the guardians. The guardian of any child should safeguard, discipline and cultivate him; teaching him noble manners and protecting him from evil company.
The child’s guardian should not accustom him to luxury and he should ensure the child does not become attached to the ways and means of beautification and affluence, otherwise, the child will grow up wasting his life trying to seek this.
Rather, it is befitting that the guardian supervises the child from a young age; The woman who breastfeeds and looks after the child (the mother or otherwise) should be a righteous and pious woman who only consumes ḥalāl – for indeed the milk that the woman produces after eating ḥarām has no barakah (blessings) in it.
Thereafter, the child will begin to think and distinguish; the first sign of this is a sense of shyness. This shyness is an excellent indicator that the child’s mind and intellect are beginning to develop, and he is approaching the age of puberty. So the child is to be helped, disciplined and taught correct manners – through this shyness of his.
Then, when the first signs of him appetising for food become prevalent, he should be taught the manners of eating, and sometimes he is to be only given bread to eat [1] so he does not become attached to that which is eaten with it (the dish or condiment), considering it to be a necessity. Over-eating should also be made undesirable to him, and he is to be taught that over-eating resembles the eating of animals.
The child is made to prefer clean, white clothes as opposed to dirty clothes or silk clothing – while also being taught that silk clothing is only worn by women and effeminate men. The child should also be prevented from mixing with other children who have become accustomed to luxury.
Thereafter, the child is occupied with school. He learns the Qur’ān, aḥādīth and is taught examples of the righteous, so that the love of the righteous becomes engrained in his heart. Furthermore, he should be made to avoid the listening and memorising of poetry containing mention of love and romance. [2]
Whenever the child shows a beautiful characteristic or a good action, he should be appreciated and rewarded with something that he likes and is to be praised in the presence of other people.
However, if he opposes this [by doing a bad action], it can at times be overlooked and not exposed. If he then persists in this action, he is to be warned in secret and is made to be afraid that other people may find out. However, the child should not be disciplined and warned too often, as this type of treatment will make him accustomed to being censured and rebuked – rather the guardian should restrain himself from using threatening speech with the child.
It is also befitting that the mother disciplines the child using the father (i.e. by using the natural standing, authority and fear of the father.)
The child should be prevented from sleeping during the day as it results in laziness and he should not be prevented from sleeping during the night. He should not be given a soft mattress – being prevented from it so that his bones and skeleton become strong. It is befitting that he becomes accustomed to coarseness in his food, clothing and sleep.
He should also be made accustomed to walking, activity and exercise so he is not overcome with laziness.
Footnotes
[1] I (Abul Abbaas) asked Shaykh ‘AbdulRazzaq Al-‘Abbad, may Allah preserve him, regarding this statement, and other passages in this article that are similar to it, he said that there is no clear evidence from the Qur’’ān or Sunnah to say we should do this, however, a person considers the state of the child and that which will benefit him. So if one was to see from a child an excessive likening to food then sometimes he can take this action.
Similar to this is the statement of the author “It is befitting that he is accustomed to coarseness in his food, clothing and sleep,” one can do this sometimes to teach the child that blessings such as food and clothing do not last forever, and that it is not befitting for a Muslim to concern himself too much with this.
As for the aḥādīth stating that Allāh loves for blessings to be seen on a person, then this is without the heart becoming attached to these worldly blessings but rather from the viewpoint of showing gratitude to Allāh, and that the Muslim should remain clean and beautiful as Allāh loves cleanliness and beauty.
[2] Similar to this – or indeed more destructive – is the existence of music and films containing such content, which have unfortunately become widespread in Muslim homes.
[3] See footnote 1
فصل في رياضة الصبيان في أول النشوء
المرجع: مختصر منهاج القاصدين
اعلم أن الصبي أمانة عند والديه، وقلبه جوهرة ساذجة، وهى قابلة لكل نقش، فإن عود الخير نشأ عليه وشاركه أبواه ومؤدبه في ثوابه،وإن عود الشر نشأ عليه، وكان الوزر في عنق وليه، فينبغي أن يصونه ويؤدبه ويهذبه، ويعلمه محاسن الأخلاق، ويحفظه من قرناء السوء، ولا يعوده التنعم، ولا يحبب إليه أسباب الرفاهية فيضيع عمره في طلبها إذا كبر. بل ينبغي أن يراقبه من أول عمره، فلا يستعمل في رضاعة وحضانته إلا امرأة صالحة متدينة تأكل الحلال، فإن اللبن الحاصل من الحرام لا بركة فيه.
فإذا بدت فيه مخايل التمييز وأولها الحياء، وذلك علامة النجابة وهى مبشرة بكمال العقل عند البلوغ، فهذا يستعان على تأديبه بحيائه. وأول ما يغلب عليه من الصفات شره الطعام، فينبغي أن يعلم آداب الأكل، ويعوده أكل الخبز وحده في بعض الأوقات لئلا يألف الإدام فيراه كالحتم، ويقبح عنده كثرة الأكل، بأن يشبه الكثير الأكل بالبهائم.
ويحبب إليه الثياب البيض دون الملونة والإبريسم ويقرر عنده أن ذلك من شأن النساء والمخنثين، ويمنعه من مخالطة الصبيان الذين عودوا التنعم، ثم يشغله في المكتب بتعليم القرآن والحديث وأحاديث الأخبار، ليغرس في قلبه حب الصالحين، ولا يحفظ من الأشعار التي فيها ذكر العشق.
ومتى ظهر من الصبي خلق جميل وفعل محمول، فينبغي أن يكرم عليه، ويجازى بما يفرح به، ويمدح بين أظهر الناس، فإن خالف ذلك في بعض الأحوال تغوفل عنه ولا يكاشف، فإن عاد عوتب سراً وخوف من اطلاع الناس عليه، ولا يكثر عليه العتاب، لأن ذلك يهون عليه سماع الملامة، وليكن حافظاً هيبة الكلام معه.
وينبغى للأم أن تخوفه بالأب. وينبغى أن يمنع النوم نهاراً، فإنه يورث الكسل، ولا يمنع النوم ليلاً ولكنه يمنع الفرش الوطيئة لتتصلب أعضاؤه. ويتعود الخشونة في المفرش والملبس والمطعم . ويعود المشي والحركة والرياضة لئلا يغلب عليه الكسل.
