How would you like to be Advised?

Question: Our Shaykh, may Allaah preserve you, we hope that you can clarify the legislated way in giving advice correctly, especially if the one being advised is a Sunni who has a Salafee Manhaj and has made an error or two?

Response: Giving advice, may Allaah preserve you, has a tremendous status; the Messenger – صلّى اللّه عليه وسلّم – said:

“The religion is advice – three times.

We asked; to whom O Messenger of Allaah?

He said: To Allaah, His Book, His Messenger, and to the leaders of the Muslims and their general folk.”

So in advising brothers, ordering them with good and prohibiting them from evil, and calling them to goodness… the Messenger of Allaah – صلّى اللّه عليه وسلّم – said:

“Treat people the way you would like to be treated.”

This is a principle, may Allaah preserve you; that you treat people the way you would like them to treat you.

How would you like to be advised by others?

Would you like them to advise you harshly?

Would you like them to insult you?

Would you like them to hit you?

Or would you rather that they advise you nicely?

{Repel (the evil) with good, then verily the one whom there was enmity with, (will become) as though he was a close friend.}

There is no doubt, may Allaah preserve you, that we are very deficient in the affair, we have a lot of deficiency in our dealings with our fathers and mothers…, a great deficiency.

By Allaah! Some parents are complaining about their children, saying; ‘I wish that he had never started practicing’, ‘he used to treat me better before he started practicing.’

By Allaah! I have heard this from some parents.

Also, in our interaction with our brothers, our siblings, our fathers, our mothers, our neighbors, our wives, our husbands…

It has reached the point that a person said; ‘Do not marry a righteous woman, do you not see that she has turned my hair grey.’

We seek refuge with Allaah! We seek refuge with Allaah! He contradicts the saying of the Prophet – صلّى اللّه عليه وسلّم -:

“Choose the righteous one and you will be successful.”

This is because she became religious but she did not know the correct way, she did not know how to give Da’wah to her husband. Likewise are some of the husbands, we ask Allaah for safety.

The point is; it is as if the people started warning from the righteous now. While the reality is, the righteous husband would either love his wife, or refrain from oppressing her. Do not marry except a righteous husband, because he would either love his wife and therefore treat her nobly, and if it happens that he doesn’t [love her], he would never oppress her. This is because he fears Allaah the Mighty and Majestic, he fears Allaah the Mighty and Majestic.

But we are deficient in this affair!

Another example, may Allaah preserve you, is in giving advice to each other and interacting with one another. We have some coldness and we amplify mistakes, we have this. This is why you must return to the guidance of the Prophet – صلّى اللّه عليه وسلّم . How did he interact with the Jews? A Jew approached him and said; ‘As Saam ‘Alayka [Death be upon you O Muhammad].’

A criminal from amongst the Jews, right here in Madeenah! He said; ‘As Saam ‘Alaykum [Death be upon you O Muhammad].’

He responded: ‘Wa ‘Alayk.’

Behold these manners! By Allaah! Our hair would turn grey and we still wouldn’t be able to come with the like, may the Salaat and the Salaam be upon him.

Allahu Akbar! Allaahu Akbar!

He said: ‘Wa ‘Alayk.’

Our mother, may Allaah be pleased with her, responded: ‘And upon you is as Saam and curses.’

He said: ‘No ‘Aaishah.’

She said: ‘Did you not hear what he said!?’

He responded: ‘And have you not heard how I responded?, I said wa ‘alayk to him, and Allaah would respond to my supplication but will not respond to his.’

So now death and curses are upon him because the Messenger supplicated against him.

He then said: ‘Indeed, gentleness is not applied to anything except that it would beautify it, and it will not be removed from anything except that it would distort it.’

Our religion is the religion of gentleness, may Allaah preserve you. Be gentle with your brothers! Be patient with them! Unite their hearts! Give them gifts…

The Prophet – صلّى اللّه عليه وسلّم – used to gift camels in the hundreds, he gifted one Bedouin a valley of goats. A valley of goats! May the Salaat and Salaam be upon him.

In an issue related to creed, may Allaah preserve you, one of our brothers here in Madeenah, from outside of Saudi whom I’ve advised concerning some issues related to Tawheed. He says to me; Slow down with me, take your time. I am fifty-sixty years old now, for as long as I can remember, my mother used to take me to the graves every morning so that I may kiss the grave stone, and you want me to forsake a creed of fifty years for a few words of yours? Slow down, take your time, step by step.

And this is correct, he is correct. Thirteen years and the Prophet tried to make them forsake al-Laat and al-‘Uzza [false deities that the Arabs worshiped before Islam]. It was not in a day and night that the torment descended upon them, at the time when he was expelled and the angel of the mountains descended to him saying; ‘If you wish I will crush them between the two mountains.’

He said; ‘No, I will be patient with them, it may be that some from their offspring who would worship Allaah.’

This is while they were atheists! He would be patient with them, so how about your Salafee brother who has some errors? Be patient with him and kiss his forehead. Tell him that you love him.

“O Mu’aadh, indeed I love you.”

Is this correct or not?

O my brother, by Allaah indeed I love you.

You don’t go to him and say; ‘You and your Shaykh do not understand. You and your Shaykh are obstinate… etc’

Of course his response would most likely be: ‘And you and you Shaykh do not understand either.’

So [be mindful of] Allah, [be mindful of] Allah concerning, concerning your brothers, may Allaah preserve you.

Be lenient with them, for this is the era of strangeness, today is the time of strangeness. If you see a person with a whiff of Salafiyyah in him, then kiss his forehead – a whiff like this [and the Shaykh draws breath through his nose as if to smell], a whiff OK? – then kiss his forehead and tell him that you love him.

- from Ottawa, Canada. He is a graduate of the Islaamic University of Madeenah, having graduated from the Institute of Arabic Language, and later the Faculty of Hadeeth in 2003. He currently resides in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia.

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